The Ides of March

Today was the day we said goodbye.

Hard to believe it has been 12 years.

I remembered the farewell as I opened my eyes this morning. The pain not as sharp as anniversaries before.

March 15th, the Ides of March, a day in the ancient Roman calendar that is associated with misfortune and doom. For many years this day felt this way. In fact, March is usually an emotional disaster for me. For many years I have struggled to feel anything but gloom.

Time and perseverance bring perspective, and some healing.

I think Dad, you would be so proud of the work our family has done over the years to build strength, carry forward, live. In doing so we have found opportunities, frequent obstacles, challenges, and new pathways. We have grown, changed, and eventually found joy. We didn't think this joy would come without you. I think we felt very lost for a while, as mom would say, "it was like she lost her rudder".

Through what felt like excruciating navigations we were forced to do on our own, we got stronger, and more resilient. With the accumulation of small triumphs, have come more frequent moments of happiness.

Dad, we know you would want us to feel happy. You worked and lived too hard too ensure we were looked after and safe.

I will not "beware the Ides of March". I will celebrate the day your suffering ceased. I will mark it as a day to honor our strength as a family, and celebrate what we have accomplished in your absence.

I don't think you would want it any other way.